Thursday, March 15, 2012

Your JobHunters Account

Thank you for registering on, the newest and most premiere advancement site for placing current Job Lackers into uncompromising positions of excellence in the worlds of coefficiency and exactitude. If you are receiving this email, it is because you recently registered a JobHunters account! Welcome to JobHunters. You're probably going to want to get started right away on your Job Search, and begin making Contacts with eligible Employers who are looking for Prime Candidates to work and worry Ceaselessly. Let's start by getting to know you - you already know us!

Are you returning to work after having been laid off? Did something heavy fall on you and you are experiencing Decreased Workload Capacity? Are you looking to change Careers due to a need to flee the state you currently live in? Are you a house pet? If so, you need look no further. Your job search is potentially over! In fact, you might as well start planning your vacation and collection of imminent fat paychecks right now. Say it slowly. Look at yourself in the mirror and say it while you eat your breakfast cereal. It's ok if you spill some on yourself - everyone drops food out of their mouth from time to time! Repeat it several dozen times while you put your hands all over yourself. Enjoy the sensations.

Don't believe what your brain and all the people you know say about your prospects in Today's Tough Job Market and Totally Fucking Devastated (but Constantly Improving) Economy. You are your own best employee! You've never been unemployed at being alive, have you? You've never shown up late for making your heart beat or for having air push in and out of your lungs! You are far more dependable and trustworthy than anyone in the world gives you credit for.

We have infinite respect and admiration for your Potential. Please speak this AUDIO CAPTCHA directly into your computer's monitor: HARGREAVES OMINOUSLY. Sorry, please try again. We are very lonely at

Thanks again for registering an account at You are now that much closer to a career in which you do nothing. That's what you want to do, isn't it, you aimless son of a bitch? You just want to sit there and have a pulse and get paid, without having to do anything. You ungrateful fucking bastard. You want to live and be happy in this world without attaching something to your face and letting it suck your life directly into a paper shredder. Want to avoid having your life shredded by a paper shredder? Look no further. Stop searching. Avoid. The only bad thing that ever came out of a good, quality JobHunt is a sense that you are not worth anything.

No comments:

Post a Comment