Friday, March 30, 2012

Mega Chug Energy Drink

Feeling down? Uninspired? Uninsured? Uninterested? Unitard? Stop by your nearest store that you buy things at and check out Mega Chug Energy Drink!! It'll put your balls in a vise. Balls in a vise? I'm sorry, Fred, I quit, I can't read this shit anymore. [CUT]

Fred, I trained for five years in a prestigious acting school and have numerous screen and stage credits to my name, why do you have me doing voice-overs for commercials that make zero sense? I know, Fred. I know. Yes, I agree with you that a check is a check. Do you know - Fred. Do you know what the "director" said to me when arrived on the set today? Nothing. He was looking at his phone right up until the moment I was in the booth and ready to say my first line! And then he kept playing with his phone during the taping, forgetting to give me cues, I'm done with this shit, Fred! Fred. I don't care who he's worked for. The guy is wearing sandals with socks on.

Fred. You're not listening to me. In fact, I'm done talking to you. Put the energy drink on the phone. JUST PUT IT ON THE - Chug? Chug, are you there? Hey baby, it's me. Look, Mega, I know I promised to do this commercial for you, and I know you're really struggling in your career right now, but I just can't take this anymore! I'm sorry, I'm just frustrated, I don't want to take anything out on you...I know...but we talked about this! I said I would do it, as long as it's not too over-the-top. Do you know how you're being marketed? Do you really want people to think you're going to put their balls in a vise? Look, it's stupid, I already quit and walked off the set. It's over! Chug, you're not listening to me.


Chug, I gotta go. We'll talk later. I'm sorry. [clicks to incoming call] Heyyyyyy what's up sexy? You know I've been missing having some Bull pouring down my throat...Oh my God. Chug, no you don't understand, it was a joke! I thought I was on the other line, fucking, I haven't been talking to RedBull! I mean, it calls me every now and then, just to say hi, but you know you're my number one...look it's got nothing to do with who's the brand leader. Chug. Mega. Listen to me. Who's got the highest Taurine content on the market? It's you, baby. You know it's you. OK. I'll be home in an hour.  

No comments:

Post a Comment