Thanks for tuning in to 103.4. Today we're going to talk about Following Your Dreams. Even if it's totally hopeless, you should follow your dreams; it is worth beg borrow and and stealing just to scratch out a living if it means you can go bang pang poom on the drums in your indecipherable extreme metal band, or plip plop with your paintbrush on a canvas or whatever all day long, or let's not forget blah blah bloo blah in your obstinate, bulky writing. In these times, when you are faced with the choice between either accepting wilting corporate employment in exchange for money and esteem, or walking around at 4am collecting cans to exchange for redemption, you should choose the latter. Choose redemption. Allow me to rubber-mallet that point home.
Do whatever it takes to achieve whatever it is you want to do. Take those steps that other people are afraid to take. You make those business cards that say "Medial Hypnochaeologist" and you hand them out to everyone. You will be rewarded a thousand fold by the universe. I know what I'm talking about - I followed my dreams, and I wouldn't recommend that anyone else do it any other way.
When I told my family that I wanted to be an archer, they couldn't have been less impressed, and they laughed me right out of the room. But that was my passion, ever since I saw Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves starring Kevin Costner. I hit the road with my bow and my quiver, and was arrested within two hours for Brandishing a Deadly Weapon. Still working with the Probation people on that one - but it was my dream and I followed through on it!
Or the time I told my boss I was quitting my job as Apprentice Bridge Painter so I could pursue my lifelong hobby of building designer crutches. I was so excited when the shipment of the first 5,000 units arrived at my studio apartment. I slept on boxes of crutches for three years, I breathed the aroma of custom crutch wood, I think I even ate one or two sets of crutches. And I never sold a single crutch. But I was able to look myself in the mirror and go about my daily errands a little easier, because I knew I had embraced my passion. And also because I was on crutches and people held the doors open for me everywhere. My leg muscles deteriorated badly.
Finally, I found my true calling in life. It took many years and many bounced checks at the Food Bazaar, and the loss of a finger to loan sharks, and over 75 counts of petty larceny (Food Bazaar again), and one time trying to sell a police car to a uniformed police officer, but I made it. I am now a licensed Incidental Taxidermist in the State Of California (where I don't live, but I'm working on that), which means that if a limb falls off say, your family pet, I am fully qualified to sterilize, stuff, and mount that limb (or other appendage, up to and including those 6 inches in length or 3 oz in weight) on a plaque and provide it to you at an affordable price and with a tasteful inscription on an attached brass plate. I made it!!! California, here I come.