This seems as good a time as any to advise you, to keep you apprised of what you should expect from this experience. It may seem like you haven't got what you asked for, and that you may have in fact gotten more than a few things you didn't ask for, and then a whole lot of things you specifically asked not to get. From what I understand to what I know, this is how it goes, whether it be the story or the way. There is more than one way.
Inside, in the deepest parts, the places leaped over for years, there is a sound that grows, unwatered, a shrilling, a seeking tone that needs its own ear to speak into. Everyone has it. I don't know what you do if you don't know what to do with it, I can't begin to imagine what to do if there is no outlet, from the outset there needs to be a valve, I think, otherwise when the day closes up, when the sun sets and your head rests on a couch, how do you keep from having it all come up and out your mouth?
So I would encourage, if I can, I would urge you to work to find a way to encapsulate, or at least channel (like a switch, river, or medium) whatever keeps you upright, whatever keeps you up at night, however you are able to. I would say it is all any of us have, but I think we all have a lot less than that sometimes, and at times the grimy stuff gets in your eyes, grit in the engine, sugar in your gas tank, it can fuck you up big time, in no time, everything at the same time.