Sunday, January 9, 2011
Announcement Of Reduction Of Expectations To Be Placed On Me
Since you're a new reader of this blog, you probably were under the impression that I will be updating it every fifteen minutes or so, which would also imply that not a whole lot of thought is going into my posts, and that it only takes me fifteen minutes to write an entire entry. Nothing could be further from the truth. Allow me to explain. Our story begins long ago, before this blog was ever published - last Tuesday, to be exact. I should at this point mention that the main thrust of this blog is to maintain a complete air of accuracy and precision, with no deviance from the strictest objective reporting of events to take place. I intend to make the most exhaustively researched, carefully constructed blog about the events of my pointless life that anyone has ever made about the events of their pointless lives, which, that sounds like some person somewhere might have more than one life. Which is possible, if you believe in reincarnation, or if you are a cat. I wonder if cats believe that they themselves have nine lives, just from what they've pieced together from listening to humans talking about them all the time, incessantly. They don't seem terribly interested in most of anything any person has to say, if you want my honest opinion, unless you're holding a can of cat food. That is, I don't think the cats are interested in what people are saying unless one of them (the people) is holding a can of cat food - not that you, the reader, might not want my honest opinion about what cats may or may not be thinking unless you are right at this moment holding a can of cat food, which if you are for some reason reading this while holding a can of cat food then I think you would most definitely be interested in my thoughts on what cats' thoughts might be. Dogs, on the other hand, seem incredibly interested in almost anything a person might say that even seems to be obliquely directed at them. I'm sure if we'd decided that it were dogs that are purported to have nine lives, they would sure as hell know about it! They pay attention, and if you didn't have to take them outside and allow them to defecate in the street every six hours or so, they would have taken cats' jobs long, long ago, my friend. Mi amigo.