Specific Guidelines For Hanging Oneself

Ah, see how I drew you in with that alluring title? You were a little concerned, but you thought this might be another one of my brilliant posts in which I lambaste or parodize or satire something that is actually deadly serious - something like HANGING YOURSELF?! (I made a little pun there when I said "deadly serious", but I want to get serious for a second and say that you should make no mistake - hanging yourself is deadly serious business. If you are going to hang yourself, make sure you have investigated all the risk factors.) No, the last thing I would want to do is to make light of something as deadly, deadly, serious as hanging by one's own neck until inevitable strangulation and final death occur. I realize now, again, that when you read these blog posts, it's not like you have to click on the title and then it takes you to another page where the content is revealed, so really, there's no need to try to draw you, the reader, into the blog post with some sort of low-rent shabby gimmicky title. Unless of course you're browsing the index of my posts, long from now, and the title does, in fact, draw you in to reading this post, which isn't actually about hanging yourself. I suppose this is as good a place as any to begin the apology for this post. I agree the title is misleading, but who doesn't like to be misled, to be jerked around, or to have someone jerk their chain, so to speak, if the end result is being exposed to a piece of flowery iridescent prose? I realize now that you may have misunderstood what I mean by having one's chain jerked. You may think it is nothing more than a shabby, low-rent, low-brow appeal to your baser nature, a reference perhaps to pleasuring oneself, or even perhaps to hanging oneself! Which it just ran across my mind that a chain, although a little cold on the neck at first, might make an excellent option for the length of material required to loop around one's own neck before plunging from a chair or table with the other end affixed securely to a rafter - whatever that is. But never mind investigating what a rafter is, we'll come back to that, I want to really begin to fully explain my reasoning for using such a ghastly, reprehensible title for what has so far been a mostly informative and deeply philosophical blog post. Oh, but I'm out of room.